I'm a noob in the marriage world. But I've definitely learned a lot about life and myself in the first year.
1. Reign in the crazy. I feel like pop culture has made it normal and acceptable for women to be totally neurotic and that the wife is always right. Neither of those cultural norms are helpful in marriage. I have mood swings, battle depression, and occasionally have anxiety attacks; but that does not give me the right to be rude and selfish. I had to learn to recognize when my feelings and reactions towards Charlie were warranted and when they were overkill. I have to tell him when I'm in a sensitive place emotionally so he can be aware and help me gauge my reactions in a loving way. I am often wrong. We both have to open and honest.
2. Be choosy about fighting. Charlie is amazing. I really lucked out. However, every man has that one thing they do that drives us crazy. They leave their dirty socks around or leave their beard hair in the sink or whatever. But honestly, will it kill me to pick up one more pair of socks? I guarantee if something happened to him tomorrow, I would miss seeing those socks lying around the house. He doesn't take his socks off and think, "I'm going to leave my socks here to make her life more difficult." He always picks them up if I ask. So is it worth a fight? Should I yell at him for always leaving his socks around just because it annoys me? Nope.
Now, if he is doing something that does hurt me even if he isn't doing it on purpose, I will definitely tell him. I will bring it to him in a kind and loving way. And, because he is a great guy who loves God and loves me, he will do everything he can to correct his behavior.
3. Be happy. This seems like a straight forward concept and probably is for most people. It is a struggle for me. Battling depression doesn't mean I'm sad all the time. It more often means I don't really feel anything at all. So, for me, being happy is a daily and intentional act. Charlie works hard to make sure I have a wonderful life and am happy. So when something negative happens that he has no control over, it does neither of us any good if I get upset. It just stresses him out more in an already stressful situation. Trust me, he knows the gravity of the situation and me freaking out about it won't help. This also doesn't mean painting on a smile when I'm having a really hard day. For me, it just means being intentional about choosing to be positive and appreciate everything amazing in my life rather than focus on the struggles.
4. Gossip is never ok. A lot of times when I hang out with other newly married women, they just trash their husband. I'm not going to pretend my relationship is perfect or doesn't have problems. I just don't want to be the kind of wife that embarrasses and hurts my husband, whether he knows about it or not, under the cover of asking for advice. I have a couple close friends who I go to for advice when I have an issue in my marriage. These are women I can discuss my relationship with who won't just feed my ego but will actually help me in my marriage. But truly, before I talk to them, the first person I talk to about relationship issues is with Charlie. And usually, there is no need for advice because we resolve it.
5. Budget. Holy cow has this saved us so much grief. I cannot even express how much stress having a clear budget avoids. We started budgeting about eight months into marriage and it was a pretty awesome decision. We are actually able to put money in savings for trips, a house, our future. And we realized how much money we were spending on stupid things that really didn't add to our quality of life at all. It sometimes sucks and it is often hard to stick to but it is so helpful in avoiding unnecessary strain on our relationship.
6. HAVE FUN. Charlie is my absolute best friend. We have so much fun together. But life gets crazy. Sometimes fun is the last thing on our radar. But we have to make time for it.
1. Reign in the crazy. I feel like pop culture has made it normal and acceptable for women to be totally neurotic and that the wife is always right. Neither of those cultural norms are helpful in marriage. I have mood swings, battle depression, and occasionally have anxiety attacks; but that does not give me the right to be rude and selfish. I had to learn to recognize when my feelings and reactions towards Charlie were warranted and when they were overkill. I have to tell him when I'm in a sensitive place emotionally so he can be aware and help me gauge my reactions in a loving way. I am often wrong. We both have to open and honest.
2. Be choosy about fighting. Charlie is amazing. I really lucked out. However, every man has that one thing they do that drives us crazy. They leave their dirty socks around or leave their beard hair in the sink or whatever. But honestly, will it kill me to pick up one more pair of socks? I guarantee if something happened to him tomorrow, I would miss seeing those socks lying around the house. He doesn't take his socks off and think, "I'm going to leave my socks here to make her life more difficult." He always picks them up if I ask. So is it worth a fight? Should I yell at him for always leaving his socks around just because it annoys me? Nope.
Now, if he is doing something that does hurt me even if he isn't doing it on purpose, I will definitely tell him. I will bring it to him in a kind and loving way. And, because he is a great guy who loves God and loves me, he will do everything he can to correct his behavior.
3. Be happy. This seems like a straight forward concept and probably is for most people. It is a struggle for me. Battling depression doesn't mean I'm sad all the time. It more often means I don't really feel anything at all. So, for me, being happy is a daily and intentional act. Charlie works hard to make sure I have a wonderful life and am happy. So when something negative happens that he has no control over, it does neither of us any good if I get upset. It just stresses him out more in an already stressful situation. Trust me, he knows the gravity of the situation and me freaking out about it won't help. This also doesn't mean painting on a smile when I'm having a really hard day. For me, it just means being intentional about choosing to be positive and appreciate everything amazing in my life rather than focus on the struggles.
4. Gossip is never ok. A lot of times when I hang out with other newly married women, they just trash their husband. I'm not going to pretend my relationship is perfect or doesn't have problems. I just don't want to be the kind of wife that embarrasses and hurts my husband, whether he knows about it or not, under the cover of asking for advice. I have a couple close friends who I go to for advice when I have an issue in my marriage. These are women I can discuss my relationship with who won't just feed my ego but will actually help me in my marriage. But truly, before I talk to them, the first person I talk to about relationship issues is with Charlie. And usually, there is no need for advice because we resolve it.
5. Budget. Holy cow has this saved us so much grief. I cannot even express how much stress having a clear budget avoids. We started budgeting about eight months into marriage and it was a pretty awesome decision. We are actually able to put money in savings for trips, a house, our future. And we realized how much money we were spending on stupid things that really didn't add to our quality of life at all. It sometimes sucks and it is often hard to stick to but it is so helpful in avoiding unnecessary strain on our relationship.
6. HAVE FUN. Charlie is my absolute best friend. We have so much fun together. But life gets crazy. Sometimes fun is the last thing on our radar. But we have to make time for it.
